Welcome to Debbie Ballard's Transgender Information Site.

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Getting to the Bathroom

One of the great concerns with the current spate of "bathroom bills" such as those passed in North Carolina, Mississippi, and other GOP controlled "Bible Belt" states, has been that anyone man who wants to could just say "I'm transgender" and walk into a women's bathroom, dressing room, or locker room and start acting "Lewd, Crude, Rude, and Socially Unacceptable".

However, for a REAL transgender woman, the path to the bathroom is MUCH longer and MUCH more complicated.  Keep in mind that the first characteristic of someone who is transgender is they HATE being their birth sex.  Transgender boys have been known to try and cut off their offending part with scissors, with a knife, or just push it inside out.

The boys who are "Lewd, Crude, Rude, and Socially Unacceptable are typically "Alpha Males".  In male culture, almost from the point where boys are able to stand, there is a "pecking order".  The most aggressive become Alpha males, and the less aggressive males become Beta males, and the least aggressive become Omega males, in animals the Omega is better known as the Runt of the litter.

In the animal kingdom, the runt is often eaten or killed, even by the mother.  However, if resources are abundant, the runt survives, and learns to survive.  He won't challenge the other males.  Instead he becomes submissive, acting in a more feminine way.  The runt will also help the mothers by watching and rounding up their pups.  Omega apes often groom the babies, take care of them, and become trusted members of the community.  In gratitude, the mothers will provide sex to the omega - allowing them to reproduce.  In effect, this transgender behavior gives them not only a means of survival, but also a reason to exist.

In the world of boys, these rankings also exist.  Often, in elementary school, omega boys are called "Sissy" and are teased, terrorized, assaulted, and even injured.  Review the school nurses records and you can see the "Sissy" just by noticing who has the most injuries, illnesses, and absences.  In the United States, roughly 160,000 children miss school every day due to bullying - usually because of injuries, illnesses, or stress aggravated illnesses.  Transgender children often miss more than 30 days of school per year, doing extra work at home to avoid flunking.

By middle school, the Omega males are mislabeled as homosexual because they are so feminine and can't hide it.  About half the kids attacked by "Queer Bashers" are actually transgender.  Ironically, because most transgender girls hate their male parts, they may be attracted to men, and have fantasies involving men, but only with themselves as a woman.  When either a man or a woman tries to seduce them as if they were men, they are not aroused.  Ironically, many transgender girls do find safety and protection in the company and friendship with gay men.

Of course, this is also the time when boys normally go through puberty.  For a transgender girl, this is a horrible time.  Learning about puberty, hormones, and turning into a man is no comfort either.  They may not be clear that they want to be women yet, but they don't want to be like the other boys who have bullied, harassed, injured, and tormented them for years.  This is also a point in their lives where they are struggling with wanting affirmation and acceptance while one or both of their parents make remarks like "Those faggots are disgusting" or "Look at that fairy, disgusting".  Such comments increase the likelihood of suicide to as high as 80%.

If at any point along the line, a transgender girl is able to tell her parents that she is transgender, and her parents don't throw her out of the house to be a prostitute and homeless, the parents and son/daughter will seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with transgender issues.

Contrary to popular opinion, the therapist is not trying to "push" the client into either transition or no-transition.  In some cases, even though transition may be advisable, there may be too many unresolved issues that need to be sorted out.  In other cases, the gender dysphoria turns out to be mild and can be addressed with private activities and social activities.

When the time is right to transition, the girl must be ready to give up everything, because there ARE lots of losses.  Most of your male friends disappear, it takes a while to get fully assimilated to the culture of girls, and all of this has to be done BEFORE even putting on the dress.

Often, a transgender girl will practice at home, in private, for many hours a week, for many years, before ever making a public appearance.  Often, once the decision to transition is made, the therapist will give the client assignments.  They might start with just walking to the car, taking a 10 minute drive, and coming back home - very late at night.  The outings get longer and longer but deliberately AVOID the use of bathrooms for as long as possible.  Often, before that FIRST trip to the public restroom, the girl can go to a store, shop, pay, and leave, without being seen as anything other than a pretty girl.

Usually, within weeks of the first trips to the lady's room, the transgender girl starts hormones.  The first is an anti-androgen, which effectively sterilizes the boy.  The prostate shrinks, making erections nearly impossible, and the other male organs get smaller and smaller.  Being aroused is possible, but it's more like what a woman would experience.

Usually within a month or so after starting the blockers, the doctor will start estrogen.  Ironically, some transgender girls will actually start to produce natural estrogen when they start blockers.  This is often when the doctor begins to check for indications that the patient may be intersexed.  Transgender girls are more likely to be intersexed than cisgender boys.  The correct term is gender ambiguity.  There are about 30 different forms that often can only be diagnosed using genetic testing, MRI exams of the body, and CT scans of the brain.  Prior to the MRI and CT, such abnormalities were only discovered if an autopsy was performed.  Sometimes it's more obvious, bone structure in hands, hips, and legs can also be more feminine.

Once the hormones are started, the transgender girl starts living full-time as female, initially with the exception of work or school.  Often, by the time she goes 24/7, a transgender girl will have substantial breasts.  These are not "man boobs" but real breasts, with the same ducts, fibers, and texture as real breasts, as well as the same sensations. Tenderness during budding, making a bra a full time necessity.

It's usually THEN that a transgender girl will take letters from two therapists and at least once doctor, with the diagnosis of gender dysphoria, and the doctor's letter stating that the hormones have made going back to being a boy impossible, and present these letters to the school administration.

There is also some beaurocracy, including a legal name change.  At this point, the gender on the social security card, which also requires a copy of the doctor's letter, can be changed.  The driver's license and US Passport can also be changed to female along with the name.

It is usually only THEN that a transgender girl is allowed to go to school as a girl, to use the girl's bathroom.  Often, the girl herself will be wary of undressing in front of the girls in the locker room, so there may be an accommodation. She may be excused from the community shower.  More often, unlike boy's showers where heads point four directions on poles in the middle of the room, the girl's showers often offer a bit more privacy.

As for being sexual perverts, this is perhaps the most ridiculous fear of all.  Transgender girls may have romantic feelings toward boys or girls, but the social pressures of the high school culture makes a transgender girl a very undesirable partner.  Many boys who date transgender girls get accused of being gay, and lesbian girls struggle to find other real girls like themselves, they don't want to risk being rejected by other lesbians by dating a transgender girl.

Physiologically, sexual intercourse is pretty much impossible.  The chemical castration and inability to achieve erection pretty much means there won't be any of that.  Orgasms, including multiple orgasms, are possible, but not as male.  There will also be no seminal fluids.  Of course, many transgender girls are effectively sterile even before starting hormones.

A cisgender man reading this would probably cringe.  It would seem like a fate worse than death.  He would hate having to do ANY of the activities described above, and would really hate being chemically castrated.

A transgender girl usually sees all of the steps toward transition as being wonderful.  Often, they will ask for MORE blocker and MORE estrogen, to speed up the process.  Many will even inject themselves.